In memory of my friend Russell Medina who passed away in the early morning hours – 1 year ago. Those of us who were together in vigil that night will be coming together once again this evening … I wrote about his passing last year and read this essay to his family and friends at his funeral. I have prepared copies to hand out to the Circle tonight …

“FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN

My friend, Russell Medina, died early this morning before dawn. I have had the privilege to sit by his side for the past few days, keeping his wife company as we Stood Watch over his transformation. She had brought him home from the city last Sunday so he could die at home. He had been hospitalized in a major city off and on since last May. About six months ago, they had decided to move from our rural community to be closer to the medical care he needed. In doing so, they left behind their small, integral group of friends and community they had grown with over the past 16 years.

Russell was dying…. And he asked his wife to move them back to their cabin home where he could pass on in peace. Heeding his wishes, she and his daughter had him transported by ambulance to their cabin this past Sunday. Only 4 days ago. When I learned that they had arrived, I took my place with others who came to Support, Hold and Witness his passing with his wife.

It is always an Honor to have the opportunity to tell a loved one goodbye before they die. To Speak words which lay unspoken in the Heart, to offer thanks for their presence and friendship in our lives. I met my friend and his wife in church when they first arrived. He was of “American Indian” ancestry, a title he preferred to be identified with over “Native American”. He was a Medicine Man in his own right, offering ceremonies for Blessing of people and places. He told me a few years ago that he no longer “felt the presence of” his Medicine in his hands….it was gone, and with it went his Song and ability to drum for periods of time. He had asked me to create a new drum, a shield, for him last year and I happily obliged.

Yesterday, it was obvious that he would be “putting down his robe” soon. A group of us, seven in all, had gathered to Watch and wish him Godspeed for his journey. We gathered on the veranda outside of his room in the evening, a little before sunset. We sat in a semi-circle facing north. We had a magnificent view of our valley which ends at the base of Fox Mountain, a sacred place for me. Light evening thundershowers were passing overhead, it was a beautiful sight to behold.

We were relaxing, some with drinks in our hands, voices low in laughter and conversation when a thick lightning bolt came and slammed into the Mountain directly in front of us. All of us saw it, together… Moments later we are reaching for our phones to notify the local sheriff office to report that open flame was visible from the lightning strike. We all sat and watched as a helicopter appeared to size up the situation, and as fire engines began to pick their way across the landscape to reach the fire. The fire spread to about 20 acres real quickly, glowing bright orange and yellow as darkness fell. I drove home late, watching the fire blaze bright into the early morning hours.

I received a phone call early this morning from his wife, telling me that Russell was gone. I jumped into the shower to quickly wash up, threw on some clothes and drove to their home immediately to be with her and his daughter. While driving there, I heard a small chuckle in my Heart….Russell had said his goodbye in a powerful way…..He left us his bon voyage gift…..”Fire on the Mountain” to those of us who Stood by him to send him off, his “Medicine” fully returned.

All Blessings my Friend and Love…..Godspeed.”

This statement is often associated with Sacred geometry, European alchemy, the Tarot and modern wiccan practices. The phrase is derived from a passage in the Emerald Tablet, which was used as the foundational code for European alchemists back in the day. Today, the phrase is readily used in a secular context. The phrase refers to the idea that “the microcosm reflects the macrocosm”, that the individual or domestic ills can result from larger societal ills. I think this historical colloquium describes a sacred relationship whose perimeter encompasses a far greater potential and idea….

How many of you have a physical challenge or chronic disability? Something in our bodies that we are forced to embrace and integrate in our daily lives? A systemic, deep expression of disharmony in the body, mind, emotional plane or the ethereal or astral body? Why do I ask this question? Because I believe, through my own experience, that a disabling condition has the potential to “wake” us into a deeper understanding and relationship to Life.

When we are forced by Life to sit down and withdraw from the responsibilities and noise of everyday activity, our attention is forced into what is happening in the Body. We can no longer keep on crunching through the minutia that makes up the majority of life activities…. Answering phones, going shopping, brushing our teeth, working full-time, paying attention to everyone and everything else that calls our attention and engages our Life Force.

For many years, I was “warned” by little body and situational signs that I needed to slow down. My busyness and constant pushing to attain specific goals I desired in my Life completely engaged my mind and energy 24/7. Although I was given these signs, I regarded them as trivial or that I had enough resilience to spring back into my mainstream habits in no time. Until one day, an insignificant “slip” on damp steel work steps took me completely out of the life I knew and thought I was building for my future.

Self-awareness was not something I actively sought to do or embrace at that time. I was busy raising my children and building a successful career as an Ecologist. I became aware of “signs” that showed up periodically while pursuing my advanced college degrees. I continued to see them when working abroad, or on domestic restoration projects. I trusted in my assumption that my young body could handle anything, that I had the world by the tail. I never recognized that these “signs” were showing up to direct me to consider or surrender to a different trajectory than what I was striving to do….until the moment arrived that resulted in shattering everything I held to be true.

Mother Earth, Gaea, had been calling me to walk a different Journey, far from the masculine defined World I was immersed in on a daily basis. She literally tacked my ass to a chair. Symbolically, I could not move: left or right, up or down, forward or backwards. I was stilled to the point of complete incapacity.

My disabilities have proven to be a harsh taskmaster, and one of my greatest teachers over the decades. They have forced me to explore and embrace my body and my unexplored capabilities. They have allowed me lots of quiet time, to learn to journey into myself and into the quiet places of

the interstitial spaces between molecules in this World. The Feminine lives there.

I have learned to embrace the reality that I am not a separate entity, but live within the interconnectedness of absolutely everything. I have learned to Receive as well as Give, deeply to each moment as it unfolds, and toward this Planet. My disabilities have helped me to deepen my Trust in my own Intuition and Higher Self, and that they are directly correlated to the complex degradation of this Planet and loss of Her species. I could only learn and experience these truths through being forced into Quietness …..

“As above, so below”….. Namaste’.

I find myself in the “Shadow of the Creek” …. That was the best I could come up with when talking with a girlfriend this evening. She asked me if anything was wrong between the two of us, and I said “No, there is nothing unfinished between you and I, it is just me….I am in the shadow of the creek”. I sense this Shadow …. Especially when my inner wind dies down, with nothing there to drive my sails. When nothing I have ever done, accomplished, dreamed about seems to give me an ounce of satisfaction…. When I lack feeling about anything, even myself.

Of course my statement is a reflection of a metaphor. I can have a long period of time where internal Balance and Clarity of eye and thought come with ease. I can write, produce artwork through various mediums, support others in their ventures and generally feel that the World is okay, despite the ecological precipice in which humanity stands. I feel that I journey with some knowledge about this World and what wags it, and even imagine I occupy a particular place in it….I feel a sense of Worth, and with that feeling I can somehow effect change, good change to this trajectory in which we find ourselves.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once wrote “Where there is much light, the shadow is deep”. So much for my period of light… it has been absorbed by the presence of Shadow… I know what has been said about Light and Shadow, that we exist in a realm of Duality. That the “Shadow” is an aspect of ourselves, represented by the Great Feminine Womb from which everything comes into being. Yeah, yeah…sure. I must be on some deep adventure to “Become all that I can be”, to look at and even embrace those aspects of myself I have not yet “chosen to become”. What a bunch of crock…. All I know is that I feel alone and pretty shitty, not able to see enough to place my next foot step.

Enduring a period of Shadow is a rudderless experience. I have no idea how long it will last or where it will lead me. Right now, I am choosing to cut off all of my engines, power them down, stop my personal sense of drive. Assume the position of “coast-mode”… not fight it’s pull or direction, but lay quietly in its embrace, with no anticipation of what may be coming around the next bend. I have to lay my trust in it’s nature, kind of like trusting in the characteristic of buoyancy in wild waters… I know I can float….