I find myself in the “Shadow of the Creek” …. That was the best I could come up with when talking with a girlfriend this evening. She asked me if anything was wrong between the two of us, and I said “No, there is nothing unfinished between you and I, it is just me….I am in the shadow of the creek”. I sense this Shadow …. Especially when my inner wind dies down, with nothing there to drive my sails. When nothing I have ever done, accomplished, dreamed about seems to give me an ounce of satisfaction…. When I lack feeling about anything, even myself.
Of course my statement is a reflection of a metaphor. I can have a long period of time where internal Balance and Clarity of eye and thought come with ease. I can write, produce artwork through various mediums, support others in their ventures and generally feel that the World is okay, despite the ecological precipice in which humanity stands. I feel that I journey with some knowledge about this World and what wags it, and even imagine I occupy a particular place in it….I feel a sense of Worth, and with that feeling I can somehow effect change, good change to this trajectory in which we find ourselves.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once wrote “Where there is much light, the shadow is deep”. So much for my period of light… it has been absorbed by the presence of Shadow… I know what has been said about Light and Shadow, that we exist in a realm of Duality. That the “Shadow” is an aspect of ourselves, represented by the Great Feminine Womb from which everything comes into being. Yeah, yeah…sure. I must be on some deep adventure to “Become all that I can be”, to look at and even embrace those aspects of myself I have not yet “chosen to become”. What a bunch of crock…. All I know is that I feel alone and pretty shitty, not able to see enough to place my next foot step.
Enduring a period of Shadow is a rudderless experience. I have no idea how long it will last or where it will lead me. Right now, I am choosing to cut off all of my engines, power them down, stop my personal sense of drive. Assume the position of “coast-mode”… not fight it’s pull or direction, but lay quietly in its embrace, with no anticipation of what may be coming around the next bend. I have to lay my trust in it’s nature, kind of like trusting in the characteristic of buoyancy in wild waters… I know I can float….